I have heard of people reaching out for comfort food in times of stress and anxiety. Try as I might, I cannot think of what my “comfort food” is – maybe Lay’s Sour Cream and Onion chips and Amul Milk Chocolate. But nothing beyond that comes to mind.

I, however, reached out for “comfort TV”, “comfort sounds” and “comfort books” during the last 4 days of November when the media kept on telecasting images from Taj, Oberoi and Nariman House. As I flipped through the channels, I passed through successive phases of “This can’t be happening in Mumbai”, “Hell, this is for real” and “I hope Pakistan gets swallowed by a massive earthquake”. And then I started looking out for “comfort TV” - to take my mind off the anger for the terrorists and anxiety for the hostages. I checked out National Geographic, Discovery, Animal Planet and History Channel. I tuned in to Discovery Travel and Living channel for cooking shows and I scouted Cartoon Network as well as Pogo for Tom & Jerry and Oswald. I wanted a reassurance that life as I knew it before 26th November wasn’t lost forever – in its totality.

As the days gave way to nights, sleep wouldn’t be easy. Laugh as I might to any blatant reference to “Bharatmata” or “Mera Bharat Mahan”, this is my most favorite country in the world. I cannot imagine a future torn up by terrorism for it. I don’t care whether we become a superpower or not – for what goes up eventually comes down. But I want the maximum of what the King of Bhutan calls as the “Gross National Happiness” for my country. You might not be able to measure happiness but it can be clearly seen in people’s smiling faces even if they are packed like sardines in the local trains. You can hear it in the booming firecrackers burst when our cricket team scores a victory. You can feel it in the chests full of pride on successful launch of Chandrayaan. Will this all be replaced by a populace living in abject fear of death just because a couple of fanatics are hell-bent on waging war with every other major religion in the world?

This was when I got my walkman out and popped in cassette after casette of my “comfort music” – old Hindi movie songs. I listened to Kishor Kumar sing “Aa chal ke tuze mai leke chalu ek aise gagan ke tale, Jaha gam bhi na ho aasoo bhi na ho, Bas pyaar hi pyaar pale” wondering if there is any such utopia on earth. I listened to Mukesh lamenting “Us des me, tere pardes me, sone chandi ke badle me bikate hai dil”. Kishor Kumar, Mukesh, Rafi, Lata Mangeshkar – I took refuge in an era most which was gone long before I came to this earth. I listened for familiar sounds like the pressure cooker whistles, doors opening and closing in the nearby apartments, people talking in front of the elevators, children shouting about – sounds of a common everyday life……threatening to be lost forever……

And I took refuge in books – devouring story after story of Sherlock Holmes and reading adventures of Harry, Ron and Hermione. The words “Bedtime Reading” never made more sense.

The last terrorists were flushed out eventually. Taj, Oberoi and Nariman house were cleared. Details emerged of those who died in the line of the duty and of those who gave their lives so others could go about theirs. Life changed for many of the survivors who had a near-death experience. As far as I am concerned, life has changed from what I knew it as before 26th November. As I took an evening walk around the neighboorhood, my heart leapt at the sight of people walking on the street, I smiled at the sound of children playing merrily about and I took a deep breath when I smelled the “Pakodas” being fried at the roadside stall. I noticed things which I had always taken for granted.

I am not being frivolous here. At the risk of sounding clichéd, I would say that many times when I laugh and smile these days, I am painfully aware about the families of those who perished in the attacks. “Muskurau kabhi to lagataa hai, jaise hotho pe karz rakkha hai” – these lines from a song in Masoom sum it up perfectly. Maybe I will forget about this in a month or so, but maybe these lines will always remain at the back of my mind……

Maybe that’s why I am glad that life has changed for me – there’s a lot more heart in it now!