It's not always that I carry only the exact amount in my purse. I usually keep about 50-100 Rupees extra for purchasing things that I might remember the last minute. But I was only going to the Library and that too in the Sunday afternoon when the crowd on the streets would likely be very thin. So I just carried 2 notes of 100 - the library fee being 175.

I was within 5 minutes of walking distance of my destination when I saw the woman. She was sitting at the end of the footpath. There was a small monkey at her feet and a child in her arms. When I saw her she was just about getting up.

If there is one sight I cannot stand it is that of a child in discomfort. And I have always thought of myself as being reasonably generous within my means. But yesterday I discovered to my shock that I could not part with 100 bucks. Of course I would have been unable to pay up the library fee but I could have always come back later. The plain stark truth is that I was mean and stingy.

God! It hurts to say this but the fact is that I wouldn't have been poorer if I had given that money to her and yet I thought that I will hand over the 25 bucks that will be left over after the paying of the library fees on my way back. I also lamented that I didn't have any extra 10-20 bucks with me like I always do.

As luck would have it, that woman was nowhere in sight when I retraced my steps 10 minutes later. The corner where I saw her has streets leading from it in 4-5 directions. I stood there and kept my eyes peeled in all directions. But she simply wasn't there.

I know, some of you who read this might shake your heads and say that she wasn't a begger so I shouldn't have given money just like that. Some will say that we shouldn't encourage people to beg. Some will say that I was callous not to think about the poor monkey. And some might even wonder why I am writing about this on my blog. :-)

Maybe you are all right but the fact is that I am now left with a guilt that I could have helped her but didn't. That plus the shattered illusion that I had been nursing about myself all these years! :-(