I finished reading Benazir Bhutto’s “Daughter of the East” – the last few chapters detailing her brother Shah’s mysterious death, her return to Pakistan in 1986 and her marriage in 1987.

It was amusing to read how she kept her ever-chattering little niece next to her for what she calls as a “Protection” when she had dinner with her would-be husband and family. :-) Anyone who has gone through the process of an arranged marriage will identify with her situation. It is interesting though that the same Asif Zardari who at a time didn’t care much for politics saying that “one politician in the family is enough” is now the prime candidate for Pakistan’s Premiership!

In one of the last pages she mentions Pakistan being at the crossroads of democracy and continuing dictatorship in 1988. It’s ironic that the country found itself at the same crossroads 20 years down the line!

I couldn’t help draw parallel between her return to Pakistan in 1986 and in 2007. She has said in the book that she didn’t know what awaited her in Pakistan – life or death. But that she didn’t care and that she knew that whatever fate had in store for her wouldn’t change no matter where she went or what she did. Did she think the same in 2007? At one place she does mention that as the tear gas was fired someone pulled her through the sun-roof to protect her. Did the history fail to repeat itself in 2007?

And the larger question that will always remain unanswered for me. No, I am not talking about the mystery over who killed her. I am wondering about what prompted this lady to go through so much – lonely detentions, failing health, unsanitary prison conditions, death of the loved ones and a life filled with anxiety and uncertainties?

Let’s say it was her determination to bring democracy to Pakistan and also a desire to better the lot of her people. Then what about the corruption charges that she later faced?

Let’s say it was just the irresistible combination of money plus absolute power. But then did she willingly suffer so much for money? Can anyone?

Let’s say she started with a noble motive but then it was a case of “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely”.
Then the most important question for democracy is – how to prevent this from happening?

Do stars affect the fates of the nations the way they affect the destinies of people as some claim? I am sure I have once seen an astrologer talk about India’s horoscope and predict her future.

But if it is so, didn’t India and Pakistan born practically at the same time when the British partitioned the country? Then how come their destinies are so different? I admit India is not perfect - we do have our share of problems. But when it comes to freedom, it’s not so grossly violated – at least for the majority of the population. We didn’t have to fight so hard for democracy.

Is that why we always take it for granted?

Is that why we never value it?

Is that why we so blatantly abuse it?

In moments of extreme frustration at things that won’t work or won’t improve in India, I have argued with friends that what India needs is a few years with a dictator who is carved from the same mold as Hitler or Saddam Hussein!

But as I read Benazir Bhutto’s “Daughter of the East” I am not sure anymore. What she writes about the unsanitary conditions in prisons and inhumane treatment of prisoners is disturbing enough but the efforts by the military regime to keep Pakistan away from democracy and the extent to which it could go to achieve that objective simply chills one’s marrow. I have read what Hitler did in Germany and it appalled me. Still, he came from a different culture. But when I read accounts of what the Zia regime did in Pakistan I was simply horror-struck because these people were part of India before partition. Somehow that made the danger very real, the horror more chilling. If it can happen in Pakistan, can it also happen in India?

Give me a democracy that is broken in few places any time, at least people can make an effort to improve it. I am not saying there are no political murders or tortures for those who dare to raise their voice in a democracy. But not on such a grand scale and not so blatantly! As I turn through the pages, I again and again thank God that India never had to go through a dictator phase. Touch wood!

I also console myself saying that maybe the media wasn’t so powerful then as it is today. I have written in one of my previous blogs about how the media has lately been showing tendency to blow tiny matters out of proportion but somehow I think I will tolerate that over any one sided propaganda by state sponsored media.

I could never understand how most countries preferred to look away while Hitler sent so many Jews to their death and got away with it. I also don’t understand how Zia could get away with Bhutto’s execution despite there being so many appeals for clemency from so many world leaders. I wonder what Amnesty International achieved by compiling reports on torture of political prisoners – including women prisoners. It seems very logical to keep your hands off internal affairs of another country but is it ethical when it’s a question of loss of human life and dignity?

Little professor Morrie might have answered all of Mitch Albom’s questions on life. But I still have a long list of questions of my own that didn’t get answered. Maybe I need to look for a professor Morrie of my own for the list is getting bigger each year:

Why does death frequently knock at the doors of those who have so much of life ahead of them and ignore those who have been praying for death?

Where do we draw a line between being contented for what we have and being complacent?

When we get along well with those who were perfect strangers till the very previous day is it because we knew them in some past life?

Is there such a thing as pure evil? If not, why do some people come so close to being it?

Should you listen to your heart or your brain?

And the billion dollar question - How much of money is really “enough”? :-)

One sentence that will always remain with me from Mitch Albom’s “Tuesdays with Morrie” is his referring to photographs as something stolen from the suitcase of death – an attempt to preserve memories of those who will eventually move on.

But if life is a mirage and death the only truth, then isn’t every breath we take, every moment we live something stolen from the suitcase of death? I don’t mean this in any morbid sense. What I mean to say is that once we know and accept this, we can live each moment fully.

I am also aware that it is impossible to do this every waking moment. We are blinded – only momentarily, if we are lucky – by ambition, hate, anger, frustration, love, sadness, jealousy, guilt, greed, in fact, by the whole rainbow of human emotions – every hue and color. That makes it difficult for us to experience the present moment, that compels us to be in the past or to worry about the future but not be in the present. I think we are doomed as humans to not always being “present”. However, as long as we think of death’s suitcase in a positive way we will be able to grab more and more moments out of its suitcase.

I am going to start this stealing game by recalling some of the best moments I seem to have stolen right from under death’s nose:

Coming home on the last day of the exams to grab the latest copy of my favorite kids’ magazine

News of topping the class after hours’ of nail-biting wait for the result

Excited packing of suitcases for a trip to my grandparents’ place during summer holidays

Cooking something that actually tasted great

Debating the end of a movie with a friend on the steps of my engineering college while the evening shadows gathered

Coming to college on a Saturday for a buddy study and chatting endlessly about movies instead

First shooting with a new camcorder

Every developed film roll

Para-gliding in Pattaya

Feeding a tiger cab nestled in my arms in Thailand

A pair of yellow and white tigers reclining majestically in Bannerghata

Walking through the mist at Lonavala

Reading Harry Potter

Reliving history at the light show at Golkonda Fort

Pressing yet another flower in an already over-flowing book

A completed jigsaw puzzle

Watching a path of moonlight carved through the night seas

Sunset cruise on Mandovi river…………

I am just warming to the game Mr. Death. I am ready, are you? :-)